Well, the VP picks are in for both parties, and we at Poop on Boozer would be derelict in our duties if we did not update our previous post and tell you, the politically savvy, culturally literate, and information-hungry reader, exactly which NFL players these nominees most resemble.
Joe Biden: Pacman Jones. No one doubts Biden's experience, his ability to make smart and adept political plays to support his Democratic team. No, it's his "off-field" behavior which has his supporters worried. Biden is notably volatile and infamous for his frequent gaffes; he has a propensity to allow awkward, blunt, or politically insensitive comments to, if you will, rain down onto the American public. If Biden can clean up these extracurricular slipups, his sheer talent should get him far.
Sarah Palin: Ryan Leaf. With one high-profile QB pick already locked up in the 1998 draft, the San Diego Chargers generated instant buzz when they followed the Colts' choice of Peyton Manning by selecting Ryan Leaf, who had previously served as QB at Washington State. Leaf, however, soon found that the level of play in the NFL was very different from the small-time football of the Pacific Northwest. His inexperience shone through, leading many to question if he was truly read to lead an NFL franchise--even as a backup quarterback, he would always be a heartbeat away from starting, and the Chargers eventually found this idea too uncomfortable to tolerate, releasing him after the 2000 season.
And finally, as a special bonus pick:
Hurricane Gustav: Michael Vick. All the American public wanted to do this election season was focus on the politics that matters: who will win, who will lose, who will take home the title, and who will be doomed to a long off-season of wondering just what went wrong. But instead, Gustav came along, forcing us to turn our attention to a much more tragic and morbid story that left much of the South in turmoil. Soon, thankfully, Gustav will be gone from the public eye forever, never to return.
Showing posts with label extended analogies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label extended analogies. Show all posts
Monday, September 1, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Kickoff to Election Season
You may know us, the editors of Poop on Boozer, merely as expert and witty sports enthusiasts, but in reality, we are so much more. Sure, we appreciate a perfectly executed suicide squeeze, but we also appreciate the bold emotionality of expressionist painting, the fragile pathos of La Traviata, or the subtle tones in a glass of finely aged brandy.
What am I talking about? I don't know. I've never had brandy. But I am dimly aware that there is some sort of political convention going on this week, and potentially next week as well. And in light of that, we at Poop on Boozer have decided to go with the flow and present you with:
POLITICAL FIGURES AS NFL ATHLETES
Barack Obama: Adrian Peterson. Like Obama, Peterson blew onto his sport's biggest stage as if from nowhere (Oklahoma is close enough to nowhere for our purposes), instantly garnering more attention than some of his more established counterparts. And while his flashy moves lead many to believe he has what it takes to be one of the all-time greats, and has already begun to establish his place in history, others claim that his fame is mainly due to one 296-yard performance that, like a 2004 convention speech, may not translate to present or future success.
Hillary Clinton: Brett Favre (off-field). One of the most recognized faces in her field, Hillary has been in the national spotlight for over a decade but has perhaps never dominated the headlines more than she has this summer (although she was pretty famous for being part of a title-winning team in 1996). However, she has also had some issues stepping aside gracefully when her time has come, refusing to relinquish her claim to the presidency even when it was clear that America had committed to going in a new direction. She currently works in New York.
John McCain: Brett Favre (on-field). Experienced, poised, and with the appearance of a true leader, Favre sacrificed his body for the sport that he loves, developing a Vicodin addiction after being subjected to the torture of NFL linebackers. Favre is often praised as a "maverick" and a "gunslinger" for his unconventional methods, but the question remains: do his many interceptions demonstrate that, as a decision-maker, he is no better than President Bush?
Next week: is Minnesota governor and Republican vice-presidential hopeful Tim Pawlenty the T.J. Houshmanzadeh of politics?
What am I talking about? I don't know. I've never had brandy. But I am dimly aware that there is some sort of political convention going on this week, and potentially next week as well. And in light of that, we at Poop on Boozer have decided to go with the flow and present you with:
POLITICAL FIGURES AS NFL ATHLETES
Barack Obama: Adrian Peterson. Like Obama, Peterson blew onto his sport's biggest stage as if from nowhere (Oklahoma is close enough to nowhere for our purposes), instantly garnering more attention than some of his more established counterparts. And while his flashy moves lead many to believe he has what it takes to be one of the all-time greats, and has already begun to establish his place in history, others claim that his fame is mainly due to one 296-yard performance that, like a 2004 convention speech, may not translate to present or future success.
Hillary Clinton: Brett Favre (off-field). One of the most recognized faces in her field, Hillary has been in the national spotlight for over a decade but has perhaps never dominated the headlines more than she has this summer (although she was pretty famous for being part of a title-winning team in 1996). However, she has also had some issues stepping aside gracefully when her time has come, refusing to relinquish her claim to the presidency even when it was clear that America had committed to going in a new direction. She currently works in New York.
John McCain: Brett Favre (on-field). Experienced, poised, and with the appearance of a true leader, Favre sacrificed his body for the sport that he loves, developing a Vicodin addiction after being subjected to the torture of NFL linebackers. Favre is often praised as a "maverick" and a "gunslinger" for his unconventional methods, but the question remains: do his many interceptions demonstrate that, as a decision-maker, he is no better than President Bush?
Next week: is Minnesota governor and Republican vice-presidential hopeful Tim Pawlenty the T.J. Houshmanzadeh of politics?
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