Poop on Manny

Ladies and gentlemen, the first person I would officially like to poop on through this site is one Manuel "Manny" Aristides Ramírez Onelcida. First of all, I had no idea Manny Ramirez was actually named that until I just looked it up four seconds ago. But that's not why I want to poop on him. The reason is this: since his hotly contested trade to the Dodgers, Mr. Onelcida is hitting .565 with four homers and nine RBI's in six games.

Now, those are unholy, ungodly numbers, but there are several potential nonpoopworthy explanations. The first, obviously, is random coincidence. It's certainly not unheard of for a hitter to get that hot, and the fact that Manny happened to start tearing the cover off the ball the day he first felt the California sunshine could just be a coincidence.

There's also the AL/NL factor to consider. It's no secret the American League has dominated its counterpart over the past decade in everything from World Series titles to All-Star Game wins to interleague play records. Manny could be the latest embodiment of what is known as the Renteria Principle, in which a player's production shifts significantly once he changes leagues, inciting riots and civil unrest in Boston.

My guess is that both of these factors have contributed, in at least a small way, to Manny's hot streak, but there's also the stench of deliberate sabotage. You may not believe the charge that Scott Boras promised the Red Sox that Manny would play nice if they let him become a free agent next season, but at this point it's tough to put anything past Boras, or Manny. And this offer/ultimatum certainly makes it seem as if Manny Ramirez was not only deliberately being a terrible teammate, but also sacrificing his on-field production in order to necessitate a trade. It's not quite the 1919 World Series, but it's also not the way the game was meant to be played. Obviously, as a Red Sox fan, I'm biased, but I think we can all get behind pooping on that.

EDIT: I should add that there would, in fact, be some irony in pooping on Manny.