GUEST POST: poop on the top line!

since we here at poop on boozer have been slow with the posts recently - hey, come on, we have to earn our rent, too! - here's a guest post from the one and only r.e. to keep you entertained.

yeah, i know he writes a lot. give him a break - it's tough being a tar heels fan in 2009.

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As an avid follower of both emerging technologies and most major American sports, usually my life only gets better when the two worlds collide. Just think – hasn’t TiVo changed the way you watch sports (read: instant replay)? How much better is watching football on a 42-inch HD set compared to your old 32-inch CRT? How much more intense is March when you can see individual beads of sweat fling off Stephen Curry’s hand as he buries a three to down Georgetown? Sports, in part, is about the drama created through amazing athleticism, and as technology improves, so does our ability to both appreciate the art of the game, and to become immersed in the event as if we were truly taking part.

It therefore came as such a surprise to my roommate, Poop on Boozer beat writer K.L. (I’d say the one-and-only, but I don’t want Facebook to make a liar out of me), to hear me verbally abusing the television set because of a technological advance, not due to the lack of one of my many likely ill-fated technological pipe dreams (don’t you also want to smell Stephen Curry’s sweat?). For those of you who tuned in to the predictably… well, predictable BC / Maryland game on ESPN2 tonight, you probably already know what my beef is, because you’ve been thinking the same thing for the last two hours: for what possible reason do I need to read comments from viewers who likely know less about basketball than I do?

My apologies – let’s take a step back. As part of its ongoing effort to widen its appeal across audiences and across platforms, ESPN is piloting an updated version of “Interactive Tuesdays.” Yes, I can already hear you groaning, and rightfully so. To put it short, “Interactive Tuesdays” is a broad expansion of tools like the SportsNation poll (which, let’s face it, is completely and shamelessly biased based on users’ geographic location) from the web straight to your TV. Individuals (who require no more certification than a free ESPN.com account) can submit comments via ESPN.com (search “Interactive,” as if embedded searches ever work) or text message (to 43776) to discuss the featured game of the day. This is nothing new; ESPN.com has held similar chats with experts as well as allowed users to comment on news articles in the past in an effort to build an online community. What is new, however, is that now a selection of these comments (obviously filtered by someone in the Bristol mailroom) are displayed in a new scrolling “Top Line” (all rights reserved, R.E., 2009) above the actual action you tuned in to watch.

Now, you tell me: why, exactly, should I care what users like “Sheydel” ("Maryland has to take better shots…") or “asimpso1” ("MARYLAND is SOOOOO bad!!!! Hahahahahaa") have to say, even if they’re right (Maryland did need to take better shots, and, let’s be honest – how many more times can Maryland jump out to a commanding lead only to buckle under the – wait, what pressure?)? Find yourself speechless? I hope so. As it is, half of the ‘insights’ and ‘analysis’ provided by the broadcasters literally came out of my mouth 30 seconds earlier (and likely several other times throughout the game), and I doubt that these other guys have anything else of any value to add. At least when Dicky V talks about some Duke kid in a diaper, he doesn’t get in the way of Danny Green sticking it to Greg what’s-his-face-I-don’t-remember-because-he-got-benched-his-senior-year.

To give ESPN some credit, at least they’re trying something different and attempting to enhance the fan experience. It even makes sense from a business perspective – this program increases awareness of additional features on the website, which drives traffic (and thus ad revenue), increases attachment to the brand, and so on. However, let me suggest that they make some other more basic improvements instead. Like, for instance, the indiscernible lack of HD coverage on nationally-broadcast weeknight games. I understand that Maryland doesn’t hold the same national prowess as it did in the early 2000s, and that they are fresh off a seemingly 98-point loss to the Blue Babies, but why on Earth was this game left in standard definition while the other ACC game (Miami vs. NC State) did get the special treatment, even though it was broadcast on ESPNU, which only .0034% of the country actually gets? Think, ESPN, please; if you’re going to cut off the top of my screen with useless comments, at least give me some 1080p coverage instead of those grey ESPN logos on the left and right.

On a day that clearly could have gone better for Terps everywhere, hopefully Gary Williams can take solace in knowing that user “neal990” ("I think Gary Williams got fired at halftime, that explains this collapse") has a short memory (as much as it pains me to throw in a Duke highlight, hopefully it only gives credence and a level of balance in this otherwise biased post), and won’t be among the masses calling for his head at season’s end.

So, ESPN, there you have it – Poop on the Top Line (all rights still reserved).

Whoops... looks like I owe myself a benjamin.

Odom's Gesture

The Clippers filed a complaint to the NBA this weekend complaining about a certain "gesture" that Lamar Odom made after a 4th quarter dunk.

Unfortunately, I haven't seen the video, but apparently after the dunk, Odom grabbed his crotch. What that means? I don't know. Perhaps he got hit? Maybe it was like, "get off my jock"? I don't know, but it offended the Clips.

Just last week, after hitting a clutch 3, Kobe did the Pedro Cerrano "You have no marbles" dance (sorry, couldn't find a video from Major League II, but here's the Kobe ).

That's certainly more "offensive" than anything Lamar probably did, but you don't see the Spurs complaining. Maybe because they won? Or maybe because they aren't the Clippers and sitting at 10-32 halfway through the year. Either way, this is the NBA, and players are obscene. Get over it.

Jedi Mind Tricks

There's a fine line between cheating and using your head. When A-Rod shouted "Mine!" on that pop-up, people were angry presumably because he was using mind games rather than baseball strategy to influence a baseball game; had he performed a normal takeout slide into second to break up a double play, no one would have noticed. Of course, no one objects when you call a time-out to ice the kicker, either. 

While I don't necessarily disagree, and tend to get outraged/not care right along with everybody else, it is nevertheless true that I can't find any consistent standard that I/we are applying. Which means that I can't decide whether this is a questionable idea, or simply an impressive one. It also leads to even more questions, such as: has it ever occurred to anyone that the Cleveland Browns may have an advantage when running play-action fakes?

K.R.'s Back - But is Phil Jackson gone?

I haven't even seen this online yet, but reports on LA's ESPN radio suggest that during this Sunday's Lakers vs. Spurs game, ABC will air a taped interview that took place today between Magic Johnson and Phil Jackson.

In that interview, Johnson supposedly asks Jackson how much longer he plans on coaching. Reportedly, Jackson answers that he will coach through the end next season -- that is, he'll finish this year and next, completing his current contract with the Lakers, then he'll hang it up.

Obviously, being that he's Phil Jackson, you've got to take it all with a grain of salt. He "retired" in 1998 after guiding the Bulls to 6 NBA championships only to return to take the Lakers job in 2000. He "retired" in 2004 after the Lakers failed to beat the Pistons in the NBA Finals, only to return after a one-year hiatus.

So, this leaves a few questions. Will he really retire? What if the Lakers win the championship this year? Will he leave on top?

What if they win both this year and next year? Will he want to leave while on a championship streak?

If he does leave at the end of next year, may Kobe Bryant opt out of his contract if the new coach isn't who he wants to play for? On that note, how much say will Bryant have?

Lastly, who are the candidates for what is arguably the most attractive coaching job in not just in the NBA, but in all of professional sports? Inside candidates are certainly Kurt Rambis and Brian Shaw (if not Jim Cleamons or Frank Hamblen). Outside candidates have got to be current New Orleans Hornets coach and former Lakers star Byron Scott, who recently said that the Lakers job would be his "dream job." Scott's current contract conveniently expires at the conclusion of the 2009-2010 season.

In 2004, at Bryant's urging, the Lakers reportedly offered the job to Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski, though he ultimately rejected. Perhaps after bonding with Kobe on the 2008 "Redeem Team," Coach K may be more interested in the Lakers job if offered it again in 2010?

Anyway, it's all preliminary at this point, but it's definitely an interesting story that hasn't really broken yet. It'll be fun to actually see what Phil says in the interview that is causing so much hype in the LA sports radio world.

wednesday night sports digest

muller is at it again. the luxembourgish tennis star is ripping it up down under, into the third round at the australian open and on pace for another matchup with federer, the man who downed muller in the 2008 u.s. open quarterfinals en route to his 13th grand slam title. but if muller is going to have a shot at a rematch, he's going to have to take care of the powerful young juan martin del potro, the no. 8 seed who is sure to match muller's strong serve with some groundstroke blasts of his own.

in sports, retirement is always temporary. just ask 43-year-old claude lemieux, who is back on the ice in an NHL uniform in an attempt for yet another run at lord stanley's cup. and what better team to come back with than the sharks, who are guaranteed to have at least a share of the overall league lead heading into the all-star break? and this has to be good news from san jose's perspective. signing an old dude for the stretch run? this has all the makings of a p.j. brown / boston celtics kind of fairytale.

apparently, it's really hard to be no. 1. as i write, wake forest is trailing virginia tech by 10 in the second half. okay, the hokies are a good team, and they have done very well against top-ranked teams in recent history. but come on! this is a wake team that just beat clemson this past weekend! the only undefeated team in division I currently looks as helpless as can be. if jeff teague and co. can't turn this around, the blue devils stand to move into the top spot when the new rankings are released. will duke be able to avoid becoming the third acc team this season to fall from the mighty perch? or will they be denied that chance by getting owned by the terps on saturday? one can only hope for the latter.

great minds think alike?

last weekend was not exactly my moment of glory.

going into round 2 of the NFL playoffs, i figured i would play it safe with the poop picks. after all, it is less than a year removed from the NCAA tournament in which all four no. 1 seeds made it to the final four!

so, of course, i made my predictions: carolina, tennessee, new york, and san diego. three home teams and one wild california upset, just for fun. how wrong could i go?

apparently, real wrong. 0-4 wrong. even babies picking based on their favorite colors did better than me.

but, it was some solace to read today that i was not alone. the great sports guy, bill simmons himself, was right there with me. he, too, did not get a single prediction correct. and so, even if my poop picks were misguided, at least a supposed sports genius was clueless as well.

so, this week, i'm not even going to bother thinking about it. i'm just going with the sports guy: cardinals over eagles, and steelers over ravens. sorry, pennsylvania: wait another year (or 20) for your intra-state deathmatch.

see, this way, i'm safe: i either get the picks right, or at least i'm as dumb as bill simmons. life could be worse.

best and worst sports memories

good and bad are really two sides of the same coin, and i think you will find that some of my sweetest memories are strongly related to some of my worst. that's what keeps us coming back to sports, though, right?


BEST MEMORIES:

-2002 ncaa tournament. jay williams choked, maryland rocked everyone - including kansas and indiana in the final two games - to take home its first-ever men's basketball national title. amazing. (and let's not forget the women's title in 2006.)

-2002 nlcs. after edging past the braves, the giants embarrass the cardinals in five games to clinch a spot in the world series. bonds is homer-ific, benito santiago is rocking the house, and robb nen is a closer extraordinaire. life is good.

-2005 u.s. open. gilles muller, a native of luxembourg, rocks the tennis world by upsetting andy roddick in the first round. yes, he loses in the second round, but at least it's to a half-luxembourger in robbie ginepri.

-2008 u.s. open. muller is back again, and this time he's even better, making a run all the way to the quarters before falling to eventual champion roger federer. what a beast.

-san jose sharks, any recent regular season. 2008-09 is a prime example, but the sharks have been the team to reckon with over the past few seasons. sure, they're not the red wings, but the sharks have been able to pair solid goaltending with serious offensive firepower for years now.

-dallas mavericks, most recent regular seasons. the jason-kidd-for-devin-harris-and-the-kitchen-sink-trade aside, the mavericks have been one of the better teams in the nba in the 2000s, including a run to the finals in 2006 and the best record in the league in 2006-07. no matter what your allegiances, you can't tell me you don't enjoy watching terry, nowitzki, and howard light up defenses - and, for howard, the occasional joint - night after night.


WORST MEMORIES:

-maryland, any season since 2002. gary williams has never been known for his recruiting, but especially since he got his title and waved goodbye to steve blake, juan dixon, chris wilcox, and co., he's thrown in the towel when it comes to getting good players to campus - and keeping them there. sure, maryland's likely to throw up a good upset every season, but without a big man and with serious academic issues, the terps no longer are a threat for the acc title like they were in the early part of the decade.

-2002 world series. in game 6, dusty baker hands russ ortiz the game ball in the 7th inning, and then all hell breaks loose. the rally monkey kicks ass, troy glaus gets the big hit off the injured robb nen, and those almost engraved rings are tossed out and emblazoned with halos instead. i don't eat dinner for two nights in a row.

-2003 nlds. you never want to end your season because you don't pinch-run for j.t. snow. especially when this is the last time you will make the playoffs for the rest of the decade.

-2008 tour de france. after several luxembourgers make runs at the yellow jersey, frank schleck establishes a solid lead heading into the final days of the race. but, of course, carlos sastre steals it away at the very end, denying schleck (and luxembourg) its well-deserved glory. no 'roids reported yet, but just you wait.

-san jose sharks, any recent postseason. i just can't explain it, but the sharks can't finish when it comes to the big-time. year after year, they lose to teams that have been playing worse than them. but after their four-overtime loss to dallas to exit stanley cup contention last season and todd mclellan's arrival in san jose, the sharks look like they may finally have what it takes to translate regular-season success into postseason glory. but that's what i thought last year, too.

-2006 nba finals. with a chance to go up 3-0 in the series, dirk (of all people!) misses a free throw, and the mavericks collapse. dwayne wade becomes a star, shaq gets another ring, and dallas blows its best chance to win a title.

-2007 western conference quarterfinals. you know how you ruin an amazing regular season? by losing to the eighth-seeded warriors in the first round.

Bottom of the Barrel

Every great hero could not exist without their accompanying villain. Batman had the Joker. Dudley Do-Right had Snidely Whiplash. The 1997 Chicago Bulls had the 1998 Chicago Bulls. Yes, no great good can exist without its great evil, no positivity without its accompanying negativity, and no success without failure.

A little while ago, I wrote about the top five sports memories of my life--but that was only half the story. The truth is that those moments would not have been as sweet without the bottom five, and therefore those moments, as painful as they may have been, were instrumental in propelling me to the highest heights of sports enjoymeny. At least, that's what I tell myself when I wake up in a cold sweat with the Red Sox' 1995 ALDS loss to the Indians replaying in my head. Anyway, for better or for worse, here they are, the other piece of the puzzle. As we Bostonians like to do, the list is organized by singling out the pivotal figure in each moment and inserting a swear word into their name.

THE BOTTOM FIVE SPORTS MEMORIES OF D.R.W.'S LIFE:

5. 1999 ALCS, GAME 4 (TIM F@&%ING TSCHIDA)

A little bit of a wild card choice. Sure, it was the playoffs, and it was the Yankees, but even at 13, I was a little too young to fully realize the implications of a Red Sox-Yankees playoff series. Also, the Red Sox probably would have lost the series anyway, and even if they hadn't wound up on the bad end of one of the worst calls in sports history, they probably would have lost the game anyway. All in all, relatively inconsequential, for what I'm declaring to be a bottom-five moment. But, I mean, holy hell, does he look out to you?

4. 2007 AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (MARLIN F@&%ING JACKSON)

If a theme is going to develop over the course of this list (and if I can help it, it never will), it's how some of the worst sports moments in my life came as the Patriots were repeatedly denied as they attempted to make the leap from the great team of their decade to one of the truly transcendent teams in football history. This was one of those times. The Pats were on the way to their fourth Super Bowl of the decade, and it was going to be oh so sweet. They were going to beat their hated rival to do it, and everything was lining up perfectly for Tom Brady to direct one of his patented humiliating, backbreaking, heroic game-winning drives. Then he was intercepted by Marlin Jackson. Who? Exactly.

Oh yeah, and Manning and the Colts went on to win their first Super Bowl. Peyton was MVP. I need to take a five-minute break.

...

3. 2006 NFL PLAYOFFS: PATRIOTS-BRONCOS (CHAMP F@&%KING BAILEY)

I'm back, but it's not going to get any easier. This game was actually very similar to the last one--big playoff loss, huge interception, doomed season, aborted dynasty. So what makes it worse than the Colts game, if that one involved a rivalry and this one didn't? It's pretty simple--this one came first, and this one derailed a run at three Super Bowls in a row. If any game did the most to prevent the Patriots from taking their place among the greatest NFL teams of all time, it was this one. I'm not going to complain too much, since I've been more than content following a three-Super-Bowls-in-a-decade team. But unlike, say, the 1999 ALCS, I fully understood the significance of this loss as I watched it unfold, and that was tough.

2. SUPER BOWL XLII (ELI F@&%KING MANNING/DAVID F@&%KING TYREE)

I'll never experience a defeat quite like this one, because I've never felt more of a need for my team to win. There was the mounting burden of 19-0, combined with the fact that, for a variety of reasons, the 44 other states were all rooting for New England to go down in flames. As every game passed, the pressure on the Patriots to lose intensified, but they were just one game away from emerging safely from all of it, and forcing the Patriots-hating world to respect them, if not like them.

But when Eli Manning wriggled free from about nine pass rushers, when David Tyree made the most improbable catch I've ever seen, when Asante Samuel mistimed his leap for a potential game-ending pick--it gave the world the opportunity to label the Pats chokers as well as cheaters. In one game, what should have been the greatest achievement in NFL history became the catalyst for an offseason of mockery. As a sports fan, you're prepared to see your team lose big games every now and then, but I've never seen so high and mighty a team brought down so low in the course of one game, and I never will again.

1. 2003 ALCS, GAME 7 (AARON F@&%KING BOONE)

I spent the better part of an hour trying to write this paragraph, and I couldn't do it. Really. Five years later, and I still couldn't. That's how bad it was.

Giant Mistake?

The latest from the "Will my friendship with K.L. survive?" files:

http://www.fannation.com/si_blogs/hot_stove/posts/37081?eref=fromSI

Texeir-ing The Wealth

You may have detected, if you truly read between the lines of some of my posts on this blog, some faint undertones of animosity towards the New York Yankees. You may remember that as the Empire wrapped up its offseason spending spree, I was there every step of the way, compromising my journalistic integrity in order to take highly partisan swipes at every Bostonian's favorite punching bag.

But it's a new year now, and if I had thought to make any new year's resolutions, it seems possible that one of them could have been a pledge to be more mature and open-minded. So, in the spirit of that hypothetical non-resolution, I thought I'd give the Pinstripes a chance and try to play devil's advocate. Sure, I found their winter free-agent binge disgusting as it unfolded. But now, as I examine it with fresh, fair-minded 2009 eyes, could it be possible that the Yankees' ridiculous spending was actually good for baseball? Can the unjustifiable be justified?

I'm not sure how much I actually believe this, but--maybe. It all goes back to the function that baseball--and sports overall--are supposed to serve in our lives. Some would argue that sports is about poetry, about superhuman feats that reveal some kind of unique deeper meaning. But I think sports is mostly about escapism. That's why baseball games are on at 7, and football games are on weekends--when we come home from work, or when we have a day off, we want something a little bit outside our lives to think about for a while. And, as I've said before, baseball stays the same as our country changes, which means that our teams are always there to reassure us.

And it just so happens that, in 2008, there was a lot to escape from. Mostly, it was the economy, which transitioned rapidly from our national strength into something truly frightening. It was surprisingly jarring for me to read articles about how the economic crisis might end up affecting teams' spending. Baseball teams, I felt, are institutions that are supposed to be immune from that kind of thing. We won't be able to turn on the game to escape from the economic crisis if it follows us into the TV.

And then, a few months later, it was the Yankees who stood up and expanded their payroll to reassert their sport's invulnerability. Sure, they monopolized the available talent and eroded just a little more of baseball's rapidly disappearing competitive fairness. But in its own way, it's almost admirable--who has flown in the face of our country's biggest current threat more than the New York Yankees? In outspending all 29 other teams combined by almost a 2-to-1 margin, at least they reassured us all that, for some teams, our sports could continue to exist apart from reality, as they had before the crisis began. While it may be somewhat obnoxious, the Yankees are just doing what they've always done. And that's exactly what baseball is for.